Trust – A Walk in the Garden

What Cracks you Up?

Just about the time I think my foundational faith is rock solid, I am given a glimpse into the tiny cracks of uncertainly that surround its core. While my commitment to Christ and who He is remains strong, some weaknesses remain within me.

The past hurts, disappointments, and failures create the sedimentary, or less solid, layers of my foundation. When these layers shift, it leaves me feeling unsettled. I grasp at the crumbling pieces, sliding off my rock, trying to keep it all together, wondering how my faith could be even slightly shaken.

A good friend of mine told me to spend some time in the Word. To pray about what God wants to reveal in me. That just maybe He desires to purge the hurts and heal the brokenness of my past to re-establish or reinforce my faith. This morning, I turned to Hebrews 11, which is the book of faith. The first scripture reads, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Sure & Certain=Faith.

I am sure that what I hope for is to breakthrough this phase in life where I feel stuck. Lately, it seems that no matter how hard I try my life’s gear is strongly stuck in neutral. Quite honestly, I’m done with this “wilderness phase” of my life, of this I am sure. I began to prayerfully ponder the second half of this scripture – to be certain of what we do not see. I do not and cannot see God, at least not in the physical sense. Although I have often seen God in the beauty He creates.

A couple of years ago, my son and I visited one of God’s most majestic creations on earth: The Grand Canyon. We arrived just in time to watch the sunset over the far rim. The views from our stone porch were breathtaking. No picture we took could do it justice. You must see it yourself.

Early the next morning, we ventured deeper into the canyon, despite my need for a knee brace. The hike down into the canyon was fairly easy while climbing back up the rim proved a bit more challenging. Yet, what made both treks difficult was stepping on the tiny rocks that had eroded over time and fallen on the path. I would grab hold of a branch or to the canyon side to regain my balance until I was onto the next sure-footed step. There were passages along the trail where you did not want to fall. At times, I could feel my son’s strong grasp on my arm to steady me, as he bemoaned about not wanting to watch me airlifted out of the canyon. (He’s a real card, that one.) This trip will always be one of my most cherished memories with my son.

I’ve begun to realize that those pieces of loose dirt that might cause me to stumble or create cracks in my bedrock are exactly what God is trying to release in me. Letting go of the hurt or debris of the past is His way of strengthening my footing and shoring my foundation. While the shifting rock feels unsettling, I now know this is part of the plan. He alone is my Rock on which to hold while things are shifting.

This brings me back to my Hebrews certainty: It lies in the truth that God exists and that He hears my every prayer. There is no doubt in my mind. My life’s foundation has already been established in God’s promise. He alone knows the plans for my life and has declared so in His word: plans for prosperity, hope, and a future. My foundational faith now equals Promise, Certainty, and Anticipation.

Hebrews 11:1 – Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

It’s About Time

In this morning’s worship, my pastor asked, “How many of you came to church this morning, thinking you were attending the earlier service?”

I chuckled. This reminded me of a story my sister told me years ago; before we could depend on our cell phones to automatically switch to the new hour and wake us up on time.

It was the eve of Daylight Savings Time, and my sister was busy getting her two young children settled for bed. In the midst of their nighttime routine, she decided to go ahead and move all the clocks in the house ahead one hour, even setting the alarm clock on the nightstand.

The following morning, her family was up early and off to church; however, they arrived to discover the parking lot was empty and no one was there. Come to find out, while she was tucking in the children, her husband had also gone throughout the house and set the clocks ahead one hour. (Remember, there were no cell phones or internet-based clocks at this time.) Their clear lack of communication had caused them to show up to church an hour early! Can you imagine, waiting an hour for the church, to begin with two small, tired children, who had lost two hours of sleep? It’s one of those moments you laugh about…later.

This got me thinking about time. The hour lost as we spring forward, how we fill the twenty-four hours in our day, and how much of it we spend communicating with God. I admit, when I don’t give God enough of my time, I have a tendency to forge ahead with my own plans – in my timing. I get too busy and leave God out of the picture. Quite honestly, life doesn’t tend to go as well when I leave him out of details. It is clear: My time spent in prayer with God, helps direct and shapes my future. I now start each morning with a cup of coffee, my Bible, and God.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

2 Timothy 2:7 Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything.

The Trash Man Cometh

It was one of those mornings, during my daily communion time with God, that I did not feel joyful; rather, my burden felt too great and my heart too enormously heavy. It was that elephant-on-your-chest, feels-to-hard-to-breath heavy. Stress. “What am I doing wrong? Am I not praying the right way? When will this trial end? God, you know I’m done with this storm and I’ve got nothing left in my tank.” Tears fell from my cheeks to my Bible. I am at a loss as to what to do. All prayed out – but, God already knows.

Unexpectedly, my time of “prayerful” silence was broken. I am acutely aware of the roar of the trash truck outside – the clanking of the plastic containers, the rumble of the hopper loading, and the crushing sounds of the compactor. Through the tears, I smiled. It’s Wednesday. Trash day. I found it amusing that my neighbors and I depend on the disposal services to take away our garbage on this very day of the week. We habitually prepare by gathering the trash throughout the house, taking it to the curb, knowing it will be picked up on Wednesdays. I smiled because, at that moment, I knew in some strange way, God was answering me.

It seemed silly that I could routinely count on the trash collectors; yet, was struggling to instinctively trust God. A slight sense of embarrassment, combined with a touch of humility, washed over me. “Of course, I trust You. Forgive me for my weak moment. My faintness of heart. I trust You to show up on time. Geez! If I can count on the garbage collector to show up, I can certainly count on You!” What had I been thinking?

Suddenly, I felt it: His strength was gently filling my spirit. My part was to let go of the junk building inside me, weighing me down. To let go of the anxiety, the past disappointments, and failures, to release any and all anger, and even forgive those who’ve hurt me, whether they know it or not.

Yes, God is strengthening me, preparing me for what He has planned for my future. He alone knows the plans He has for me. “I do trust you, Lord, with all my heart.” He will not fail me. There it is – even more strength. Confirming my trust, my faith, makes me strong. I can feel the change inside me.

I decide, although they may be few at the moment, to count my blessings, which also brings peace. “Thank you, Lord, for using the simple sounds of a trash truck to remind me of Your Sovereignty in my life.”

“I know You love me. You are my heart.” There, it is back – joy! 🙂

Psalm 16:11 You make known to me the path of life; in your presence, there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Psalm 91:2 I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

Take My Hand

I had accepted a new job with a company on beautiful Hilton Head Island and was thrilled to live where there were warm beaches in October. The view from my office overlooked the marina. My new life was looking good, up until the second day at work when I was greeted with, “Do you have somewhere to go?” Apparently, we all were in need of refuge, due to the impending danger of Hurricane Matthew. It was October 2016, and the governor of South Carolina was about to issue a mandatory evacuation.

A mere forty-two hours later (exactly 6 a.m.) I was among the thousands of evacuees being funneled toward the one bridge that led on and, more importantly, off the island. With my SUV tightly packed, I drove about 130 miles inland to the safety of a friend’s home, wondering what would be left after the storm hit.

The following morning, my host burst into the pre-dawn blackness of my guest room and asked, “Do you think you can drag yourself out of bed and go for a walk?” I groggily responded, “What time is it? Did he not realize that I was incredibly exhausted? “Oh, around 5:30,” he cheerfully replied. Ugh! I am not a morning person.

Despite the insanely early hour, I realized a brisk morning walk would help my nervous energy. This Missouri girl had never been evacuated from anywhere, and I found the entire experience unsettling. Half-awake, I rummaged through my suitcase, pulled out my running shoes, put on my athletic wear, and into the pre-dawn hour we went.

As we stepped off the lit street, onto the park path, there was no visible light – only total darkness. I wished for a flashlight. Beneath my feet, I could feel the concrete path, my sight now limited to what was directly in front of me. In the pitch black, I struggled to find direction on the uneven trail. My friend, now several steps ahead, begged me to step it up. I was stumbling. Finally, he reached back and said, “Take my hand.” The tightness of his grasp, tugging me in the right direction, came as a relief. With his help, I ventured along with ease as we finished our morning hike.

Later that night, the hurricane hit the coast. Safely inland, we could hear the heavy flood of rain as the storm passed. I would soon discover that Hurricane Matthew had devastated Hilton Head Island. The 87 mph winds, combined with tornados and severe flooding, had destroyed many homes and businesses, leaving no permanent place for me to live. My new company took a financial hit. These and other circumstances had made it impossible for me to stay in South Carolina. The winds had literally shifted my direction, and a week later, I was driving back to Missouri. My friends would later joke that it took a hurricane to bring me home.

During the two-day drive through the southeast, I wondered what would become of me. What was I going to do? Where was I going to live? How would I provide for myself? My future was uncertain and frightening. As anxiety began to well up inside, I remembered how it felt when my friend gripped my hand, walking along that uncertain, dark path – me, clueless of the direction. His grasp felt so secure. I wondered, is this is the feeling of security that God wants for me? My circumstances were no surprise to God. He knew exactly what my future held, even if I didn’t. Thinking of my friend’s confident, reassuring grip made me realize that my life, left in God’s capable hands, was much more secure – all I had to do was reach out, grab hold, and trust.

Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”